You know that moment – when the boat pulls away from the pier and you’re teetering between devastation and fury. You try to focus on the good – those deployment goals that you’ve been making lists of for the last six months. 
You go get yourself an ice cream from Dairy Queen, stand in the NEX parking lot crying into because you can’t find your car, and then down two bags of Pepperidge Farm milanos at your bestie’s.
What inevitably comes after your mental breakdown is what’s commonly known as the deployment curse. No, it’s not a myth. No, there’s nothing you can do to avoid it. The best you can do is prepare for the aftermath:
- If you own a home, it will fall down. The roof will leak, there will be ants, the furnace will blow up, your basement will flood. None of this will happen while your husband is in port. The second it’s blackout though, put your insurance company and contractors on standby.
- If you have kids, you’ll end up in the hospital. They’ll have 104 degree fevers and refuse to eat for days. They’ll need ear tube surgery and antibiotic shots. It’ll be impossible for you to go to work because you’ll need to go to the doctor twice a week for about six months.
- You’ll get sick. Especially if your kids are sick. It will probably happen at the same time. You’ll be tossing your cookies while making more for daycare. And you won’t get to take a break or “take some time off” as your doctor prescribes while you laugh your way to the pharmacy for the good stuff.
- Also, everything miserable will happen with your kids while your husband’s gone. They’ll get teeth. They’ll get a stomach bug. They’ll start biting. They’ll figure out how to open doors.
- If you have pets, they’ll get sick too. About the same time as your kid is teething or in the hospital. And they’ll need expensive surgery and weeks of physical therapy. Because you need something else to do with your nonexistent time. Oh, and if they’re not having surgery, they’ll wake you up at 3am puking in the bed, on the carpet, on your shoes. This does not happen when your husband is home.
- People will die. I don’t mean to sound morbid, but it seems everyone decides to kick the bucket during deployment. I have to say it light-heartedly because I’m already ravaged by loss this deployment and I don’t want this post to become some debbie downer my-life-sucks kind of thing.
- You’ll have to make major decisions. Should you continue on to get your masters degree? Should you buy that car? Or the other one? Should you spend the money on hydroseeding or just give up and have sand dunes for your backyard?
- You’ll feel guilt. All. The. Time. Guilt that your husband is missing out on the fun that you’re having, or on the milestones that your kids are achieving, or the time you’re spending with family and friends. You’ll feel guilt for spending so much at the Nordstrom’s makeup show. You’ll feel guilty for taking a girls trip while your husband miserably pushes the boat through the sea.
- You’ll live in a state of constant panic and uncertainty. What was that sound? Was that an email? Oh my gosh I need to check my phone. No, I NEEEEEEEED to check it. Wait, what’s that? They’re pulling into port tomorrow instead of Thursday? Oh my gosh, I need to wash my hair and clean up the house so it looks halfway decent when we Skype. Wait, what? Now they’re not pulling in for six weeks? WTH? Now, I need to cry into my pillow for the next six days. Oh, wait, I can’t. The house is falling apart, the dog needs surgery, the kids are sick, you have a stomach bug, you spent too much money at Nordstrom Rack, and your youngest is starting to walk.
- You’ll become a warrior. You’ll find yourself welcoming home your hubby with a great, big smile and a long list of honey-dos. You’ve achieved a few goals, totally dropped the ball on others, and the state of the household cleanliness, your daughter’s constant biting, and the dog’s midnight vomiting will cease. You’ll be a family again. You’ll be deployment strong. You’ve got this – until the next one.
`O ka hali`a aloha i hiki mai 