It’s been a tough week. In fact, it’s been a tough couple of months. Between dealing with the seemingly permanent infertility and the painfully hopefully temporary good-byes and farewells, I’m surprised I haven’t imploded with the emotional breakdown of the century.
I’ve been here before – that place of near hopelessness where it seems God has a vendetta against me and my happiness. It’s different today. Today I’m not weeping in a pool of tears, but rather numbingly accomplishing each and every little task necessary to move forward. It may not seem like a joyful Thanksgiving by my own description, but believe me, this is one of the best Thanksgivings of my life.
There have been endless “thankful for this” and “thankful for that” status updates on Facebook. I’ve gotten two dozen eNewsletters with the same message – and even a robocall from a local car dealership thanking me for existing in their sales demographic. Now, I figure it’s my turn to join in with the corn.
While I am grateful for the things in my life, I could do without all of them. It’s the people who make the difference.
I’m thankful for my incredible husband, Keith, who has been there with me through my lunacy and dorky jokes – through the myriad of fertility shots and the insanity of working at a nonprofit in transition. I’m thankful that he’ll still talk instead of yell, and that he brings me flowers for no other reason than to make me smile. I’m thankful that he’s my best friend and through that friendship and love, I am a better human being.
I’m thankful for my incredible family. My mother, Laura, whose strength, courage and endurance baffle me. She should be wearing a superhero outfit all of the time. Her endless devotion to her children, including giving up her entire life for us at times, makes her either a masochist or the world’s best mother. She is beautiful and kind and everything good in me is from her. My brother Andy got the creative gene leftover from my birth. He’s incredibly talented and devoted to his craft. From the boy I used to read silly stories to at night to the young man making his mark in the woodturning community, he will always be my little bro. And my sister Colleen? She is really something. She’ll stick her neck out for anyone she loves, as far as it can go. She’s ambitious and smart and will make strides in the world, wherever she goes. And yes, she’s prettier than me. And, of course, my Aunt Linda, Uncle Danny, and cousins Cory and Tyler – my last connection to Long Island and the place I call my hometown.
My Texas family holds a particular spot in my heart from the other side of the family. Bill and Gail, Tiffaney, Jennifer and Rafael (and the girls!) have sustained in their compassion an important bond to the other side of the family, and a supportive and candid conversation about the trials of infertility.
My Danish family may not be nearby, but they’re always in my heart. My Great Aunt Henny is hands down the world’s greatest cook, and I can never get over how cozy her and her heart are. Aunt Kathleen, Uncle Thomas and cousin Christoffer visit stateside nearly every other year and have brought out the best in our family with their kindness and generosity. Being with them just feels like home. Aunt Merete (Etta!), Uncle Karl, and cousins Jenna and Kaspar who all have such beautiful blonde hair and such a warm sense of family. And who can forget Uncle Richard whose ambition and energy have no rival.
For my “new” family – Lesley and Nishant – and Ojal of course, Denise (mom!) and Bob, Betty and Tom (dad!), Elizabeth and Rick, and all of the Bauers/Cornells/Khattars/Runyans and so on and so forth. It’s been such a pleasure being welcomed into another wacky (but in a good way) family tree.
I’m thankful for my incredible friends, which is a list so long that I’ll inevitably leave off people who deserve to be here. Please accept my apology in advance.
Jackie, who has been there every single time that I’ve needed her, even when I didn’t know I did. There are no limits to what she’ll do to help a hurting friend. And, she’s insanely talented when she puts her mind to it. I’d say the same of Emilee, whose design work is so damn impeccable I can’t believe she’s not running her own empire by now. She taught me what friendship really means and raised the bar for the new friendships I make in the future.
Kristy Lee, Marcus, Kaylee and Albert, Ted and Linda. What a family the Hochenberger-Witts are! Not only fabulous friends, but much more like family. There’s a resilience there that I hope my own family can emanate in the future. From “clinking” to baptisms, it’s been a long and remarkable ride. You’ll never meet a family so dedicated to family and those that they love – nor one so ambitious!
And for Amy, of course, who has been there in the trenches with me – fighting the good fight. One of very few who can relate to the pain of loss and semi-poverty. Working with her now, though it’s a new side to our friendship, has brought a new, shining star to the nonprofit world – and a new, fun and fantastic element to our friendship. For Jonelle, whose non-stop support has never wavered or waned. I can only hope to someday be as non-judgmental and optimistic as she is. It’s a really remarkable trait.
For Colleen who can somehow have the loudest, and the most timid, voice in the room. A strong, creative, and compassionate woman whose kindness knows no bounds. And for Kyle, Colleen’s husband, who gave me hope that real, loving relationships exist. For Sara, who I met when she was just a high school student looking to change the world. Just a few years down the line, she already has. She fuels my idealism for a better future. For Sara’s mom, Mary Ann, and her boyfriend Chris, who all remind me that a small family can be a great one.
Kirby, the bestest of all of my guy friends. He may not always reply right away, but his heart is always available when needed. It seems he turns up at the most perfect moments when all the world has deserted you. Smart, witty and one of the best-dressed males that I know. And now for his girlfriend, Rebecca, who seems to bring him nothing but smiles. For Ruth, who has taught me how to put someone else first on my priority list and whose heart and wisdom are ten feet taller than her. For Karen, who may run away without saying good-bye, but will always be back to say hello and remind you that you’re still in her phone book.
For Deb, whose humor rivals Chelsea Handler (no, okay, it’s better), and who can always put a smile on my face. She’s an incredible mother and her son will never want for a laugh. For Rebecca, another stupendous mother who walks softly, but for sure carries a big stick. She has always had a knack to take pleasure in the most simple parts of life, and share that with those around her.
Jennifer, who not only does an absolutely awesome job on my hair, but makes me feel gorgeous. It takes a lot to do that, and it doesn’t hurt that she’s the sweetest girl I know. Very girl-next-door, but with a margarita in hand and an open ear for whatever ails you. Kelly, who can be the most professional and demure girl in the room one minute and the craziest, silliest girl the next. Definitely someone who taught me how to unwind after a wound up day. And for her husband Blake, who matches her silliness-to-silliness.
For Chris, who is such a gentle soul. He has a way with words that can make any bad day better. For Pam, who can equally achieve that with a hilarious belly of laughs and a near painful honest sarcasm that I’ll miss desperately. For Bird (and yes, that’s his name) who could not be a better friend and kinder man. Thanks for carrying me on my worst night of nights!
Michael – the hilarious doctor who’d never been camping but took a chance on our pop-up. I’ll miss the opportunity to debate and converse about the latest infertility research or neuroscience development. Mary, who is the perfect fit for such a guy, and whose time I wish I had stolen more of throughout the years. A fun-loving, all-around awesome gal. For Kerrie, and the love of her life Louis, for giving me a new appreciation for wine and reminding me to relish in every moment life brings.
For my college friends and roommates, those that I am still in touch with and those that simply hold a happy memory in my heart. Stephanie, Jackie, Ed, and many others – you were all such an important part of my becoming who I am today. I should say the same of my post-graduation Binghamton buds and colleagues, as well as those whose friendships stem from high school – and even elementary (Colleen!)! Though many of us have lost touch, you know who you are.
Michaelene and Stephen, who have always been there for me throughout the years. Their relationship and love is unmatched in today’s world. Their humor is even more so. Chuck and Mary and the Gusts, who made me feel more like family in the first five minutes than I have with some actual family in my entire life.
For the incredible women I’ve worked with throughout the years, without whom New York’s children and families would not have half the strength that they do today. Jenn, Susan and Liz, Aileen – you better keep up the good fight!
And of course for the Navy folks that I’ve met. Mitch, our wedding reverend, and his awesome wife Nikki and their equally if not more awesome kids Eden and Mitch Jr. Chance and Courtney, one of the most fun-loving pairs I’ve ever met. Chris and Jess, who I can’t help but wish they lived right next door – I get the feeling Jess and I would take siestas while the boys went shooting every Sunday. Jeremy (Geno!) and Regina, by far the loudest of our Navy friends but awesomely so and ridiculously dedicated to our four-legged friends. Rodger, who I pushed out the door when I moved in with Keith (or, well, Keith did that) and who kindly explained how a car engine works and reassured me how much Keith liked me. I can’t forget to mention Doug, who has been one of our best friends recently and made this entire move easier with his generosity. Plus, who doesn’t like a guy who sews?
I know there are many others that I have missed – those in the Beer Group, the women’s group, others that I have worked with, lived with, partied with, and laughed with. I’m sorry if I’ve missed you. It wasn’t my intention and I hope that you know how much you’ve meant to me (or otherwise you can comment below and yell at me for being so cruel as to forget you). 🙂
There are three people who I’m especially thankful for this Thanksgiving, but I can’t hug or thank either of them in person. First, Keith’s friend Marty. Even though I’ve never met him, whenever Keith speaks about him there’s this light and longing in his eyes that only happens in those moments. The only real tears that my husband’s shed have been in remembering Marty and the impact he has on his life. I wish so much that I could have met him, because I know Keith wouldn’t be the man he is today without having done so.
And lastly, I’m thankful for my grandmothers. My dad’s mom, Helen, was one of the most beautiful women I’ve known. Her southern accent and old Savannah style are unmatched to this day. Some of the advice she gave me in the short times I spent with her still ring true in my ears today.
My mom’s mom, Anne. There is no one on this great big earth that I miss more than her. How much I would give that she could share this Thanksgiving with us. It was 2005 the last time we hugged goodbye. Thanksgiving was the last holiday that we spent together, and I could swear that she knew it would be. My grandmother was the best human being I’ve ever known. She loved me so fiercely and so overwhelmingly. I didn’t know someone could love their grandchild that much. I miss her desperately, and am so incredibly grateful that she was a part of my life for so many years. She is my angel now and I can see her in brief moments when my mom talks, or makes a joke, or laughs. I am eternally thankful to have known her and for her to have known me.
In the end, it is the people that count, not the things or the sales. Thank you to all of my family and friends for bringing me such joy. You give the meaning to Thanksgiving.
`O ka hali`a aloha i hiki mai 